


Sven, Svetlana, and Superfluous Flannel

by fiction_mist



Series: Unstoppable Force (Superpowers) vs. Immovable Object (Useless Lesbians) [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Tower, Drinking, Drunk Reader, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Everybody Lives, F/F, Nudity, Reader-Insert, Superpowered Reader, Superpowers, Useless Lesbians, confused canon, exploitation of superpower logic, gentlemanly carol danvers, grunge is a good look for Carol, nakey reader, ofc Carol has an extra flannel, soft Carol Danvers, teleporter reader, useless lesbian carol danvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 19:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiction_mist/pseuds/fiction_mist
Summary: Captain Marvel is half a loaf deep in a toast feast in the kitchen at avengers tower when with a suddenthudthere’s a you on the kitchen table.A very naked you.Reader is an avenger who can teleport. Her clothes are not. When Reader is drunk, she does not necessarily remember this. Shenanigans and chivalry ensue.





	Sven, Svetlana, and Superfluous Flannel

**Author's Note:**

> So a few months ago I rewatched the 2000s fantastic four film and the scene of the invisible woman having to strip off before she can run away because her clothes aren’t invisible, just her, put this idea in my head of a teleporter with the same problem. Of course it wouldn’t take long for Tony to figure out a suit that could travel with you, but who doesn’t love drunk superheroes not having the best control over their powers?
> 
> So anyway, here’s useless lesbian Carol and equally useless lesbian (or otherwise sapphic) reader in a classic everyone’s alive and living in Avengers’ tower bit of nonsense.

It’s late. _Really_ late. In fact, it’s approaching early.

Captain Marvel is half a loaf deep in a toast feast in the kitchen at avengers tower when with a sudden _thud_ there’s a you on the kitchen table.

A very naked you. A (judging from the simultaneous giggling and grunting) very _drunk_ very naked you.

With your head in her plate and jam in your hair.

“Uhhh…hi there” Carol said, trying desperately to avert her eyes.

You sat bolt upright on the table and swayed slightly, before twisting to face her and exclaiming “Captain Carol! You made it!”

“To the kitchen? Yeah, I made it” Carol, replied, unable to keep the smile from her face as she untied the flannel from her waist and started trying to maneuver your arms into it.

“What?!” You exclaimed, arms flailing as you looked frantically around, managing to catch Carol in the stomach. She held your arms still and managed to get the sleeves on as you kept talking, frowning as you took in your surroundings.

“Dammit! I was at the bar round the corner, you know, the one with the dartboard and the sticky tables? Bartender looks like Harrison Ford?”

Unperturbed by Carol’s bemused smile as she started doing up the buttons, you carried on, “so I was playing darts in front of this really cute European girl who said she had a bet with her friend over who could kiss an avenger - ‘cause they’re only in the city for a week, see-”

At this point you were so enthralled by your own storytelling that you missed how Carol paused on one of the buttons, some of the laughter disappearing from her eyes as she found herself struggling to get this one button through the hole as she thought about you giggling, wrapped up in some tourist, while she was sat at home trying to catch up on earth movies all night.

“-anyway she wouldn’t stop trying, and I kept telling her that I just wanted to finish my darts and my beer and get home, and then her friend, who turns out to be her _boyfriend_ turns up from somewhere, and says girls don’t count, which is _shitty_-” this you punctuate with another wide swing that Carol manages to dodge, suddenly catching up with your rambling and realising you hadn’t actually kissed anyone “-and then I stand up again, 'cause I paid for my game and I don’t really care about how open Sven and Svetlana or _whatever they’re called_ are, I don’t wanna be kissing some random girl, and then he takes a damn _swing_ at me and I guess I was a little less stable on my feet than I thought 'cause then the next dart hits Bjørn or whatever his name is in the shoulder and _then_ maybe-Heidi starts shrieking to the whole bar about how her boyfriend is gonna fight an Avenger over her and I _just wanna finish my game_ so I grab the dart and kick him in the shins and _totally_ got a bullseye, and I was just about to start fightin’ homophobic Hans and _definitely win_ and then _poof_ I’m back here and, oh,” you say, finally looking down at Carol, who’s bracing her arms either side of you, struggling to breathe with how hard she’s laughing, and realise you’ve left your clothes behind “and now Agnetha’s gonna take my favourite shirt back to wherever-the-fuck, Europe as a trophy and I’m right back to 100% of my coworkers having seen me naked. And I’m hungry.” You pouted, missing the confusion that darted across her face as she adjusted your collar and turned to start making you a sandwich.

“Sounds like you had quite the night,” she said, spreading peanut butter on bread “how come you didn't wanna kiss Helga?” she asked, as casually as she could manage.

“Was'n…_mmf_…was'n oo” came a sleepy, drunken mumble from behind her.

The second slice of bread fell out of her hand as she spun around, fists twinkling, eyes wide, and a confused blush rising to her cheeks as she was met with the sight of your head lolling forward and you slipping towards the edge of the table, catching you in the nick of time as you fell fast asleep.

Ever the gentleman, Captain Danvers picked you up and carried you to bed, tucking you in and lightly pressing a kiss to your forehead as quiet, adorable snores left your cute, unkissed-by-grabby-generic-europeans lips, and left your room, heading back to the kitchen with a soft smile on her face, blissfully unaware that a hoard of drunk avengers each carrying a random item of your clothing were about to come crashing in, Tony still occasionally cheering "Fight! Fight! Fight!", Bruce, carefully cradling the fateful dart, slurring along, Natasha firmly denouncing the whole of whatever country Nikolaj and Brigitta were from with your bra tied across her like a pageant sash, about to grab the sandwich straight from Carol's hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Tweaked from the version on my tumblr (@romeo-the-cactus). Send me requests and I probably won't write them for at least two months but who knows. It'll make me feel valid.


End file.
